Dating: Part 1

I hope you’ve found all the advice so far useful. And I’m sure some of you are anticipating hearing all the wonderful things that we have to say about love, relationships,- and maybe even wedding planning. But before I can get into anything deep, let me cover some basics about dating, you know, that phase before relationships get serious.

So you’re out and you see someone you are attracted to. After much flirting, you muster up the confidence to take the next step and ask them out on a date. Now what?

That’s the question you have to ask yourself before you even ask someone on a date or accept a dinner invitation. Further, before you even go to the club or a bar where you know there’s a good chance that you will be asked out, figure out whether you are willing to just date. That means no expectations, no strings, and no marriage discussions. I suppose some call this casual dating, but truly all dating is casual until there is a serious commitment. Dating a fun way to get to know members of the oppostite sex to see if you are compatible and share the same interests, values, goals, etc. Emotions and expectations should come into play only after a series of dates (courtship) and after much effective communication. Find out if the two of you are on the same page. Be honest and upfront- if you want to date other people, then let it be known. There’s nothing wrong with dating more than one person. My future mother-in-law calls it “trying out the buffet” and that’s what she encouraged her kids to do. Just date. Then, if you want the relationship to be more serious, inquire with the other person to get their take on it. Don’t assume anything…we all know what happens when you assume. Be upfront and honest in order to mitigate anyone getting their feelings hurt.

Before you make it your goal to find a mate, be sure that being in a committed relationship is the right thing for you. Consider all factors: what stage of life you are in, whether you just got out of a relationship, whether you have time to foster a relationship. It’s important for you to cultivate a full life for yourself apart from your love life, beginning today. Think of a date as icing on the cake and not the cake itself. Don’t build your life around the other person. If you do and then you break up, the emptiness will only aggravate the pain. Fill up your life with spiritual side, friends, family, career, and hobbies.

Before you start looking for a relationship, make sure your relationship with yourself goes well. Get comfortable in your own skin. Start taking yourself out once in a while – do something you know you’ll enjoy or look for new experiences, all by yourself. You deserve it. My Morehouse Brother taught me this- to love myself and take myself on dates and say “self, I love you.” It worked for me and got me through a rough patch, so take heed and understand that you can’t even begin a serious relationship with someone until you have decided to love yourself unconditionally.

Okay, so now you’ve dated that special someone and you want to know how to have a successful relationship…