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A young, black, professional, Spelman College and UNC Law grad, and new mommy who practices law in the Chicago suburbs.

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Friendship Breakups

January 29th, 2007 • Related • Filed Under

Yesterday I came across an interesting article about the ups and downs of friendships. Anyone with a good friend or two knows the benefits of having a friend with a good ear for listening and a sturdy shoulder to lean on. But did you know that having good friends in your life can also improve your health? Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore, says that women with strong networks of friends have bolder immune systems, get fewer colds, and are less likely to get cancer. So the rewards of friendship are plentiful, but what happens when a friendship isn’t so rewarding? What happens when, instead of leaving you excited and energized, your friend makes you feel anxious and drained? Should you call it quits?

In a way, the number of friends we have and our age are inversely related. When we were kids, the more friends we had, the better. But this is likely to change as we mature and become more career and family oriented. Depending on your social appetite, you may be comfortable with only a few friends, or you may desire a huge flock. With either case, it is important to recognize the quality of your friendships. Overall, do your friends lift you up, or bring you down?

In the words of TLC-
“What about your friends, Will they stand their ground, Will they let you down again, What about your friends are they gonna be low down, Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you”

As we grow older our needs from friends may change and thus we must make the hard decision of what friendships are worth keeping and when it’s time to fade out the relationship. Make the healthiest decision for yourself. The best way to meet this objective is to communicate. A friend deserves more than the silent treatment when it’s time to break up. Author Liz Pryor has collected stories about how women end friendships for her new book What Did I do Wrong? When Women Don’t Tell Each Other the Friendship Is Over. She suggests telling your friend how you feel about the relationship. Try not to be critical, make accusations, or rehash history; this only invites a defensive response. And when it’s time to move on, remember to do just that- move on.

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